Such a Dirty Word

After hearing the details of her traumatic upbringing and difficult childhood, one would expect sadness, anger and resentment. But Sky is none of those things. She is confident and resolute. And remarkably grateful to the many people who have helped her along the way–especially most recently to Aleph for giving her a sense of peace she has never before experienced.

It began when she was only five years old with a deadly car accident that killed her sister. A media firestorm followed as the salacious details of the gruesome crash unfolded: Haley was not buckled in, as required by law, and was violently thrown onto the hard asphalt when the car flipped over. Her mother, the driver, was given five years of probation for negligent vehicular manslaughter. But three years into her probation, she tested positive for cocaine use. The judge then sentenced her to 18 months in prison. Sky’s father became her sole guardian. But he spiraled out of control. Devastated by the death of his daughter and the incarceration of his wife, the successful architect became a drug addict.

“He would be passed out on the bed with a tray full of crack, pipes…I would flush it, throw it away and take it out to the trash bin.” For the next year and a half, Sky witnessed her father cycle in-and-out of jail. Left at home with her beloved nanny, the young girl was about to be taken to foster care when her mother was released. Eager to move forward, her mother subsequently divorced her father and moved out of town. But the new environment was anything but peaceful: Mom struggled to resume a routine life and fought repeatedly with her addicted father– often chasing him around town for unexplained reasons with young Sky in tow. Shortly thereafter, her mother was arrested for DUI on New Year’s Day. This time, the judge sentenced her to 13 years in prison.

Fortunately, her father was better prepared. He sobered up and worked to turn his life around. Whenever Sky worried that he might relapse, she would threatened him: “I was like the parent. I didn’t let him go out late. I did not want him to relapse,” she said. He remained completely sober for six years. But tragedy struck again. One afternoon, Sky returned home and found her father dead on his bed. He was fifty-six. She was sixteen.Despite the shock, his uneventful passing was peaceful. “I feel blessed that someone didn’t want me to be scared of death.” A kind neighbor took her in. Friends’ parents helped her with college applications. And she was admitted on a full scholarship to the University of Southern California.

Now a college junior, Sky had only one remaining mission: to obtain early medical release for her mother– suddenly diagnosed with a disease that causes her frontal lobe “to shrink at an exponential rate.” Much like an Alzheimer’s patient, she is unaware of her surroundings and no longer recognizes anyone. But with her mother in a prison infirmary across the country, Sky felt alone and completely isolated. Here is her account of what followed:

“I threw my hands in the air and cried. I could not do it on my own anymore. I had no family or home. I had no energy to fight for the justice my mom so desperately deserved. She was sick. And I was helpless. When I was done crying, I thought to myself how alone I was. And, this is no joke– within a day I received a strange call from a guy named Zach Segal from the Aleph Institute. When he explained Rabbi Katz’s visits and long (6 year) spiritual conversations he had with my mom, I could not believe it. The rabbi had also noticed her deteriorating mental state of mind, and that’s when I thought G-d had come to rescue me. This is what I needed. He heard my tears and plea, and He answered my prayers.

Zach and his colleagues at the Aleph Institute worked tirelessly to help my mother. Because she had Alzheimer-like symptoms, she was unable to remember that she was kosher. Aleph helped get her on the kosher menu–a difficult feat because usually the inmates themselves have to request it. Zach also coordinated with so many political figures to get them involved in the case. By the end of the journey, Florida’s Attorney General, current State Attorney and previous S.A. were all discussing my mom’s case. Also, because I am young, often the warden, chancellor or officers on the ground would not take my requests seriously; when Aleph became involved, I would just voice my concerns to Zach, and he would take care of it. On the day of her hearing for early medical release, Aleph flew me to Tallahassee so I would be able to speak in front of the commission. I was very scared and asked if Zach would be able to accompany me. Not only did he agree, other rabbis joined us as well. At the hearing, I sat there shaking. Rabbi Oirechman stood to my right and Zach to my left.

No longer was I alone. I kept thinking, no matter the outcome, I have a family now. I have a Jewish community wherever I go, and I cannot express how comforting it is to know that someone out there cares. In high school, I felt isolated and ashamed. My dad passed away one Friday in April, and by Monday I was back in class. I was 16 and beyond embarrassed that my mom was incarcerated– such a dirty word to me at the time, and that I no longer had parents. No one from my high school or even college knows my background or family situation. Aleph has given me the courage to share my story- it truly is a remarkable feat how open I am today. Now that my mom has unanimously been confirmed for medical release, I know she will be just as welcomed as I was into the Jewish community. Aleph has taken me under its wing, and I will forever be grateful. It truly is a remarkable organization that takes on a subject that is not politically sexy or appealing. Aleph finds those most isolated and makes sure that no one is alone and that no one is forgotten. Just when I thought I should start planning my mom’s funeral, Aleph found me.”